Where Do You Go When Faith Falters?

And cursed.

I felt I needed a break from everything.

I think some people didn’t understand when I tried to share what I felt.

There were people who said, “Mind over matter lang ‘yan.” or “Ann, you should focus on the good things.” or “Ano ba kasi ang mga self-talk mo?”

God forgive me, I know those things. And those people meant well.

But that was the day that my faith faltered. At hindi ang Diyos ang may kasalanan. AKO.

And since I am being vulnerable to you now, I am ashamed to tell you that my word of the year is FAITH.

I am sorry if I couldn’t bring myself to what you want me to focus on.

It was one of those life’s big whacks on my butt. O, faith pala ang word of the year, so ano’ng gagawin ko? Do I stay where I am, or do I slowly get back on my feet and let that word flow in me?

And the word DID flow. Not because I did it. It was God who pursued me. He always does anyway.

Maraming lesson sa akin ang pinagdaanan ko. But here’s a few that I’d like to share:

1. I am an impatient person, so I am saying to you now that faith is the oil that I need to have a stock on so the machine keeps on running.

2. I want to be in control and that’s impossible. I can only counter this with prayer and preparation. For everything else, I surrender. And I will need to remind myself of this DAILY.

3. What brought me here won’t bring me to next level. I need to learn continuously, and this applies in every area of my life.

4. Check the compassion level of other people.

5. Number 1 is subjective. There’s a high chance that you and I don’t know that our words, though mean well, may hurt other people. I would assume you are going through more hell than I, so I will continue to be kind.

In case it’s needed, I will be your friend from afar.